【Children's Perspective Lab】Becoming a Child and Getting Scolded by My 4-Meter-Tall Self

I thought I could handle parenting better.

This was my thought as I stood dumbfounded, watching my son in the thick of his terrible twos, sprawled on the floor wailing. Just saying "Let's put on your shoes" earned me a "No!" and a thrown shoe. I was forced to spend two hours on a pedestrian bridge just watching trains pass by. When I finally tried to carry him home, he arched his back and thrashed like a lively giant tuna. On rainy days walking to daycare, he'd get cranky, plop down in a puddle, and refuse to budge.

On rushed mornings, I inevitably get irritated and have lost my temper many times, yelling at him. I don't want to get angry, but I do. I'm the one who wants to cry. Then comes the guilt. That endless loop continues even now that my son is six (if anything, my anger seems to be getting worse...).

How does my son see me when I snap like this? He must think I'm scary. So this time, I want to become a child again and experience being scolded by an adult.

<Table of Contents>
▼What if an adult became a child and met an adult?
▼ Can Harsh Discipline Actually Change a Child's Brain Structure!?
▼ Parenting Was Supposed to Be a Group Effort to Begin With
▼When scolding a child, do it within 60 seconds. Scolding longer than that is pointless
▼Parents are a child's safe haven

This diagram was created during our previous research. For a child 75 cm tall, an adult 180 cm tall is 2.4 times their height. If we assume the 180 cm adult is the child, the adult would be a whopping 432 cm (180 × 2.4).

Wow, that's huge. To a toddler, adults are astonishingly large. But since there aren't actually 4-meter-tall people around, it's still hard to grasp. So I looked around to see if there are any 4-meter-tall things in everyday life.

Yes, I found one. A giraffe. A giraffe... Ugh, I'd hate to have a giraffe yelling down at me, "Hey, hurry up!" or "Hey, stop that!" Incidentally, traffic signals are also often about 4 meters tall. Getting yelled at by a traffic signal... Hmm, still doesn't really sink in.

So, with the help of Dentsu Lab Tokyo technologist Ryunosuke Ono, I decided to have a giant version of myself created in a virtual space.

First stop: One2Ten's Tokyo office. Using their 3D avatar creation platform "ANATOMe TM," I got myself 3D scanned. It was done in no time. Amazing!

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Cooperation: One2Ten Inc. ( https://www.1-10.com/ )
3D Avatar Generation Platform "ANATOMe™ (Anatomy)"
*ANATOMe is a joint development between VRC and One2Ten Imagine.

Next, I imported this 3D data into Blender, an application for creating 3DCG, and scaled myself—who is 165 cm tall—down to a 75 cm child. This calculation made my adult self 2.2 times larger, resulting in a height of 3 meters 63 centimeters. Huge. Way too big. I then added Mitsuhiro Kutsukake, playing the role of my father, who is 4 meters 32 centimeters tall (actually 180 cm). Wow, just standing there, he exudes an incredible sense of presence.

Just seeing it on screen is quite the spectacle, but the real show starts here. I put on VR goggles and become the child.

Stepping into the virtual home, all I see in front of me are adult feet and crotch level. Even looking up a bit, my view only reaches to the stomach. Then comes a shout: "Hey! Stop that! I said stop it!" Looking up, I see my own giant self, arms crossed. I have to crane my neck straight up to see the expression—the face is really far away. Just as I catch a glimpse of the face, it's angry. Ugh, what a nasty feeling.

Then I bring in Dad. And he's huge!! No way. Just standing there is terrifying. Tall dads, please stop standing like a statue in front of your kids.

Then we talked about how "couples just end up arguing in front of the kids, right?" and I tried that too. Honestly, this was shockingly terrifying. A giant in front of me. A giant behind me when I turned around. Those two yelling at each other. If they started wrestling right then, the world would surely end. I felt utterly hopeless.
I never realized my angry self was such a huge, terrifying creature...

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Can strict discipline actually change the shape of a child's brain!?

We took this video and visited Dr. Akemi Tomoda online. She's a pediatric neurologist and professor at Fukui University's Center for Child Mental Development Research. Dr. Tomoda has spent years researching the effects of maltreatment (avoidable interactions) on children's brains. I was deeply shocked by her findings and had long wanted to hear her speak.

Ishida: Dr. Tomoda, being scolded by someone four meters tall was an unpleasant experience that left me feeling drained even after just a few minutes. If this were a daily occurrence, it must have an enormous impact. What actually happens to a child's brain?

Dr. Tomoda (hereafter, Dr.): Let's start with corporal punishment. This is something I discovered during research on Americans while I was in the US. We found that the brains of people who grew up receiving severe corporal punishment on a daily basis showed a reduction in size in part of the prefrontal cortex.

Kutsukake: Part of the brain shrinks!?

Professor: The prefrontal cortex governs emotions. When that area shrinks, it affects the ability to inhibit criminal behavior. It also makes individuals more prone to conduct disorders and depression, and can lead to strong aggression. Like constantly getting into fights and being impossible to control.

Ishida: So, does that mean the very act of trying to correct their behavior actually makes their behavior worse?

Doctor: Exactly. Ironically, what's called "spare the rod, spoil the child" – using corporal punishment to correct bad behavior – has been found to only have undesirable effects.

Since April last year, corporal punishment in the home has also been banned in Japan. (※1) Japan became the 59th country to prohibit corporal punishment. In countries like Sweden and Finland, which legalized the ban on corporal punishment early on, child abuse has steadily decreased. It's not about punishing parents, but working with parenting support professionals to find alternative approaches to discipline. The efforts to help struggling parents figure out how to raise their children without hitting them, through consultation and support, are now bearing fruit.

※1
The revised Child Abuse Prevention Act was enacted in June 2019, legally prohibiting parents and guardians from using corporal punishment when disciplining children. It came into effect in April 2020.

Ishida: Being the 59th country to do this feels very late for a developed nation.

Professor: Japan is still at the starting point. Among current parents, and especially the grandparents' generation, there's still a strong impression that many people believe "corporal punishment is necessary." Back in the Showa era, there was even a popular anime featuring Spartan-style education where the dining table was overturned. That mindset persists deeply.

Kutsukake: When I experienced it myself, the shouting raining down from above was really painful. Does shouting angrily at someone also affect the brain?

Professor: We've found that repeated daily verbal abuse causes the auditory cortex, located near the ear, to enlarge. This affects hearing, making it harder to pick up quiet sounds. Consequently, communication skills decline, and it also becomes a cause for lower academic performance.

Ishida: It seems like the more you harshly say "Study!" every day, the more academic performance might actually decline... During the experiment, I felt that marital arguments were very frightening.

Professor: Witnessing parents argue or use violence in front of children is called "witnessed domestic violence." In such cases, the visual cortex shrinks. When the visual cortex atrophies, it becomes difficult to read others' expressions, leading to poor interpersonal relationships.

Ishida: Listening to you, it feels like the prefrontal cortex changes to endure being hit, the auditory cortex changes to avoid hearing things you don't want to hear, and the visual cortex changes to avoid seeing things you don't want to see.

Professor: That's right. It's a truly mysterious phenomenon. When the same thing happens over and over again, the brain changes to endure it. I consider this a "sad adaptation."

Ishida: So it's an "adaptation" to survive now, to prevent one's spirit from breaking. It's very heartbreaking.

Teacher: A child's brain is immature and still developing. To prevent this "sad adaptation," we must do more to raise awareness that "corporal punishment has a hundred harms and not a single benefit."

Parenting was meant to be done by everyone together.

Teacher: As you both have researched, parents are trying their best. But that "just one little smack on the bottom" can escalate. Especially when parents are stressed or overwhelmed. Adults have so much stress, right? Missing deadlines. Bad things at work. Getting laid off... Humans are vulnerable to stress, so in those moments, they often take it out on their children, who are in a weaker position.

Ishida: Mornings when I'm rushed make me irritable and raise my voice... It stings to hear that.

Kutsukake: So "it's not always" just keeps escalating, huh?

Teacher: It always does. I've worked with many parents who ended up abusing their children, and they all say the exact same thing, like it's stamped on them: "It was for the child's own good. To make sure they wouldn't be embarrassed when they went out into the world." No parent starts out intending to abuse their child.

Ishida: Nowadays, issues like single-parenting are problematic, and parents themselves are struggling. How can we raise children without taking out our stress on them?

Teacher: When you can't do it, own up to it and ask someone for help. If you have no one around you can rely on, there are childcare support services. Human children are meant to be raised collectively. Other animals' young become independent much sooner, right? Only humans take a whole year just to start walking. That's how much stress child-rearing entails. That's why, even back in hunter-gatherer times, we were animals that raised our young together.

Ishida: What was meant to be raised by everyone has increasingly become "isolated parenting" as nuclear families have become the norm.

Teacher: Parents today feel they must achieve "perfect parenting" despite having no time to catch their breath. It's a tough era.

When scolding a child, do it within 60 seconds. Scolding longer than that is pointless.

Ishida: Is there a secret to preventing parents from getting too angry?

Professor: Anger management. I tell parents, "If you get angry, step away from your child and go to the bathroom. Take deep breaths there before returning." Also, "When correcting your child, do it within 60 seconds."

Kutsukake: So it's better not to scold them long and tediously?

Teacher: Yes. I believe scolding for over 60 seconds is ineffective. When a child is crying, they can't hear anything. Wait until they calm down to talk. Also, it's crucial for the parent to be calm. First, you need to cool down yourself.

Also, don't compare them to other children. Instead of thinking, "Why can't this child do even this?" make it a habit to acknowledge what they can do. Children have individual differences. If they can do today what they couldn't do yesterday, give them a round of applause. Just celebrate with them every day.

Ishida: Celebrating when they can do today what they couldn't yesterday. That's great!

Teacher: That should lighten the load for parents too, right? Humans aren't born with a "parenting brain" from the start. Through pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and holding the baby, both mother and baby release oxytocin, known as the "happiness hormone." Repeated eye contact and physical affection develop that parenting brain and turn you into a parent.

Ishida: So just making eye contact releases oxytocin?

Professor: Yes, it does. That's why when I see mothers playing with their smartphones instead of looking at their babies' faces during breastfeeding, I think, "What a waste."

Kutsukake: What about men?

Doctor: Men also release oxytocin and other hormones through holding their baby and physical contact, developing their nurturing brain. Please hold them as much as possible. Bathing them is also great.

Parents are the child's safe base

Ishida: Could we also discuss "attachment disorder"?

Teacher: You mean attachment (bonding). Neglect—failing to provide necessary care and leaving children unattended—particularly leads to attachment disorders. Attachment disorders can be "internalizing" or "externalizing." Internalizing children often show traits like being timid, unable to concentrate, having trouble sleeping, and poor academic progress. Externalizing children may be non-shy, violent, restless, constantly fighting, and unable to maintain appropriate personal boundaries. Another characteristic is a blunted response to rewards, indicating very little dopamine release.

Ishida: Could it be because they weren't praised when they should have been?

Teacher: That could be part of it, but stress also reduces brain function, making it harder to feel joy. Without receiving appropriate affection from parents, they turn to self-medication. Trying to heal themselves increases the likelihood of turning to drugs later in life.

Kutsukake: So does this mean adult problematic behavior or crime is very often rooted in childhood experiences?

Teacher: Yes. For example, research even shows that "removing maltreatment (avoidable interactions) could reduce intravenous drug abuse by nearly 80%" (※2).

※2
Dube, S.R., Felitti, V.J., Dong, M., Chapman, D.P., Giles, W.H., and Anda, R.F. (2003) Childhood abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction and the risk of illicit drug use: the adverse childhood experiences study. Pediatrics 111, 564-572

Ishida: 80%! That's incredible.

Professor: Parents should be a safe haven for their children, a refuge in times of need. It doesn't have to be the father or mother. Grandparents can be that safe haven too. Children are like ships setting out from the harbor that is their parents. The crucial question is whether they can think, "I can always return to the harbor" when danger arises. If a ship sets sail and encounters a violent storm, but the harbor itself is dangerous, the ship loses its refuge and sinks.

Ishida: That's absolutely true.

Kutsukake: One last question: Is it true that a child's brain, once damaged, cannot recover?

Professor: That's what we used to believe. But actually, children's brains have plasticity and can recover. If parents correct problematic behaviors, recovery happens. Of course, the sooner the better.

Kutsukake: I'm so glad to hear that.

Teacher: First, make it a habit to praise them. For example, start letting them help out around age one and a half. Just having them take their own dirty dishes to the sink is fine. Praise them for that.
A point system works well too. When they help out, give them a sticker or stamp! Say, "When you collect 10, we'll have your favorite curry. When you get 100, we'll go to the conveyor belt sushi place!" You know how we get excited about collecting miles?

Ishida: That's true. Increasing chores not only encourages independence but also reduces your own workload, which should cut down on frustration.

Teacher: Even adults don't get motivated out of nowhere, right? You need things like a base pay raise or a bonus increase. Being "recognized" and "praised" fuels motivation—it's the same for kids.

Ishida: The chore strategy—I'm starting it today! (laughs)

Teacher: I have two daughters myself, and I've made plenty of mistakes. There's no such thing as a perfect parent. Just make sure to give your child a hug. That's the first step.

Kutsukake: That's so true. All these surprising stories have my heart racing. I've realized I have a lot to reflect on myself.

Ishida: Thank you so much for sharing these valuable insights.

Inappropriate parental behavior can actually change a child's brain. It's shocking content, but I strongly feel that simply knowing this can act as a deterrent. Here's a summary of today:

● Harsh discipline and physical punishment alter a child's brain. We need to understand that trying to correct behavior can actually make it worse—it's harmful with no benefits.

● If you get angry (while ensuring the child's safety), step away from them temporarily—go to the bathroom or somewhere else to take deep breaths. When scolding a child, do it within 60 seconds.

● Don't compare them to other children. Cultivate the habit of praising their individual growth, like "praising them when they can do something today that they couldn't do yesterday."

● When people have skin-to-skin contact with babies, the "happiness hormone" oxytocin is released, helping to develop the "parenting brain." Fathers should also hold their babies often to develop this "parenting brain." When unsure about what constitutes appropriate " discipline," I thought the guiding principle could be: "Am I a safe harbor for this child?" When children face trouble—like having an accident, getting their clothes dirty, or fighting with a friend—will they tell you about it, or will they stay silent for fear of being scolded?

...As I write this, I remember my son recently having a toilet accident. He locked himself in the bathroom, saying "It's nothing!" while cleaning it up himself. He must have been really scared... Keeping "safe harbor" in mind, I want to work on my anger management too!
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You can download various resources for free from Dr. Tomoda's project " Preventing Marutori: Malpractice. " Search for "marutori.jp".