What if a Japanese mom raised her child in Tanzania?

◆Raising an only child vs. raising many children. Which is harder?

Tozaki: When comparing Tanzanian moms and Japanese moms, the difference is that Tanzania has a high birth rate while Japan's population is rapidly declining. The total fertility rate (average number of children per woman) in Tanzania is about 5.2. In Japan, it's about 1.4. And here you are, Ms. Douchin, a mom of five. Did you always want to have so many children?

Douchin: Not at all! (laughs) At first, I thought one child would be fine.

Tozaki: Was having twins a big factor?

Dōchin: Since the twins were my third and fourth children, going from two to four kids all at once definitely had an impact (laughs). Actually, I have four siblings myself. When I heard my mom was having her third child, it turned out to be twins.

Tozaki: Same pattern! Going from two to four is suddenly double, so that must have been intense (laughs).

Douchin: All I remember from that time is just being desperate (lol). But as the number of kids grew, my perspective changed. With two kids, just the two of us could manage, but as the number increased, we couldn't handle it without help. We'd ask for help from anyone, even strangers, if we could get it (lol). Because things stopped working, our social circle actually expanded more and more.

Tozaki: Wow! That's interesting.

Douchin: We ended up relying on neighbors we barely knew before. From there, we became friends with strangers, opportunities opened up, and we gradually connected more deeply with the local community.

Tozaki: I never thought of it that way. I always assumed raising more kids just made parenting harder. Maybe in a smaller community, there's pressure to handle everything within that tight circle.

Dōchin: Exactly. You feel like you have to solve everything within that small space.

Tozaki: Having things open up around you seems like it would help spread the stress around (laughs).

Dōchin: That might be true (laughs). Realizing you don't have to shoulder everything yourself is such a relief. Also, as the number of children grew and my world expanded, I started caring more about that world too. With five kids, knowing the world they'll live in will continue long after I'm gone makes me want to help make it a little better.

Tozaki: They're the ones who'll be left behind, after all.

Douchin: And it's not just about my kids here now. When I think about them becoming parents and having children of their own, I worry about what the Earth will be like three or four generations from now. So I want to do what I can, even if it's just a little bit at a time, to help keep the Earth in its current state.

Tozaki: It's interesting how the world keeps expanding the more children you have. When you're struggling with raising your first child, it's hard to see it that way.

Douchin: Maybe it's because it's a manageable amount that you think that way. Or maybe it was only after I thought "This is absolutely impossible!" that I could let go.

Tozaki: Was having the twins a big part of when you started feeling more open?

Douchin: Yeah, that was totally different. I used to worry that asking for help would be a bother, or feel guilty like I was a "bad mother" for asking others to watch my kids. Even when someone offered, "I'll watch them," I found it hard to actually say "please do." But after having four kids, I could say "please" and communication increased. I learned so much from others.

◆Raising Children Alone in Japan. Raising Children Together in Tanzania.

Douchin: Having four kids, then five, meant getting so much help that I started wanting to help other moms around me. I really started feeling a stronger connection with my community.

Tozaki: Japan used to have more children too. I think that links to having stronger community ties back then. As the birthrate declines, spending per child increases, but families become more closed off, horizontal connections diminish, and nuclear families become the norm.

Douchin: Children who receive help from strangers when they're young grow up feeling it's natural to offer a helping hand themselves. But when kids become adults thinking "It's wrong to cause trouble for others" and "Troublesome children are bad," that feels a bit sad.

Tozaki:It makes you wonder if being a "goody-two-shoes" is really the best path. Constantly suppressing your emotions to be the perfect child might be convenient when they're young, but it could also mean something is building up inside them somewhere. And it feels like adults are the ones pushing children to act that way.

Douchin: Exactly. Of course, constantly causing trouble isn't good either. But I think the experience of being helped by a stranger when you're little teaches you something that will definitely be important when you become an adult.

Tozaki: Nowadays , with all the crime prevention talk, there's this atmosphere where you're told not to talk to strangers if they approach you. It's closed off, isn't it?

Douchin: It's like we're becoming more and more isolated, avoiding eye contact with strangers.

Tozaki: Exactly. That's another difference from Tanzania.

Douchin: In Tanzania, communication was still overflowing, right? It felt like the children were "everyone's children. "

Tozaki: When we walked around the village, there were so many kids, but you couldn't tell whose child was whose (laughs).

Douchin: It felt like they weren't connected at all.

Tozaki: Even when taking photos of the families we interviewed, kids from other houses would sneak into the family photos without anyone noticing (laughs).

Douchin: But I'm sure old Japan had that kind of thing too, right? It's just becoming less and less common.

Tozaki: As things develop, they close off. Why did they close off?

Douchin: I think it's because somewhere along the line, people started feeling like causing inconvenience to others meant you were neglecting your parenting duties. There 's a lot of social pressure like that, I feel. Of course, I'm not saying you should go out of your way to cause trouble, but raising new people isn't just the job of moms and dads. It would be great if we could all share the sense that, as members of society, we're raising the next generation together.

Tozaki: If a child gets a little noisy, people around don't step in to help; they just think, "What's wrong with those parents?" or "They're bad at discipline." It's sad that things end with that wall still there, when someone could have just stepped in to help.

Dōchin: As cities develop, maybe adult society and children's society get separated.

Tozaki: Adult society?

Douchin: It's like children have to squeeze into this established adult society to live.

Totsuki: I see.

Douchin: Like parks banning ball games, or debates about daycares being noisy when they open. There are all kinds of restrictions. But aren't those just based on adult convenience?

Tozaki: That's true.

Douchin: And kids have to live within that.

Tozaki:It feels like a pretty adult-centric society. So where are kids supposed to be able to just be themselves?

Douchin: Tanzanian children were so full of life, weren't they? I thought their innocent smiles, free from restrictions, were truly adorable. Conversely, children in the city face so many limitations. I wish they could regain that kind of innocent smile.

Tozaki: An environment where children can't thrive freely is also a difficult environment for raising children. Without societal acceptance, pressure keeps building on mothers, making it harder for them to feel positive about pregnancy and childbirth. It's such a waste, especially in a country with such well-developed medical care.

◆No matter where you're born, a mother's love is universal.

Tozaki: Did your feelings about children or parenting change after going to Tanzania?

Douchin: After returning, I realized anew that mothers are the same everywhere. The way they look at their children, the love they feel as mothers—I sensed that women share the same feelings. That's precisely why we all want to make things better. It's not about differences in country or environment; I think we can change many things by using "a mother's feelings" as our common ground.

Tozaki: That's incredible—mothers' feelings as a common ground. If we can connect the whole world through that, it could become an immense force. It could change the world. Thinking about the mothers who gave birth to all 7.2 billion people on this planet, I'm overwhelmed by that power. I think thinking about mothers is thinking about the world itself.

[First Observation]
Comparing the realities of mothers in Tanzania and Japan, it almost seems like material wealth and spiritual wealth are inversely proportional. Tanzania, with its vast land, rich nature, and high fertility, yet where the risks to life are ever-present. Japan, on the other hand, with its limited land, fewer places for children to be, and while safer, facing not just a declining birthrate but also a serious sexless society problem. How can mothers around the world be empowered to bring life into the world with a positive outlook? We'll explore this through this series.

A mother who just gave birth and her baby. In JOICFP's supported regions, many mothers carry their newborns on their backs and return home on their own immediately after delivery.

Mr. Douchin giving a lecture on birth science to local youth. Both women and men listened intently.

Mr. Douchin painting the newly completed maternal and child health building, Milky House, alongside local children.

 

The author poses for a commemorative photo with a local mother and her baby who helped with the shoot. Tanzanian women's smiles are the strongest.