Exploring the Reality of Balancing Childcare and Work! Mom Undercover Interviews <Japan Edition>

Worldwide, approximately 800 women lose their lives every single day due to pregnancy or childbirth. To improve this situation, JOICFP, an international NGO supporting women in developing countries , and Dentsu Inc. Gal Lab, which handles communication for women, have jointly launched the "MOM meets MOM Project" as part of the White Ribbon Campaign to protect mothers and newborns globally. Saraya's skincare brand, Lactoferrin Lab, provides full sponsorship support.

By raising awareness among Japanese mothers about the realities faced by mothers and mothers-to-be globally, we aim to foster mutual understanding and expand the circle of support. In this series, project member and author Ikumi Togasaki reflects on the state of maternal and child health in Tanzania, which she visited for an inspection in June. She explores the challenges and future possibilities for mothers in Japan and around the world.

Following our previous look at Tanzanian mothers, this installment focuses on understanding the current reality for Japanese mothers. To uncover their true feelings, we conducted masked interviews. While "women's advancement in society" is often touted these days, what is the reality for working mothers in Japan today?
To examine Japan from a global perspective, we interviewed mothers living in Japan, as well as mothers residing in the United States and France. The differences became strikingly clear. We will serialize this in two parts: the Japan edition and the US/France edition.

*To protect privacy, some details in the profiles have been altered where possible without affecting the content.

Case of Ms. A (31)

【profile】
Resides in Chiba Prefecture. Works in fruit and vegetable sales. Family of three: husband (39, works for a manufacturer) and eldest daughter (4).

Ako's Mindset
Children: 60%, Work: 10%, Home: 10%, Self: 10%, Hobbies: 5%, Husband: 5%

[Overview]
At age 26, while planning to visit her husband's parents to set a wedding date, she discovered she was pregnant!
Blessed with a supportive workplace environment, including a female boss who had just returned from maternity leave and offered advice.

Gave birth on March 6th, 2011, just before the earthquake. Initially felt various anxieties, but around two months postpartum began participating in community gatherings and baby massage classes.

When my child was one year old, I couldn't secure a nursery spot, so I extended my childcare leave by two months before returning to work. My boss warmly understood and supported the extension.

Since daycare only goes until 7 PM, she can no longer work overtime. However, by occasionally leaving her child with her parents, she has managed to get as close as possible to her pre-pregnancy work style and continues that way today.

Q. Honestly, what frustrations do you feel while raising your child?
Ako:My husband doesn't show enough appreciation for my daily childcare and housework. Even a simple thank you would mean so much—like when he handles drop-offs/pickups on rainy days, or when he comes home tired and I've prepared dinner.

Q. How would you rate your husband's childcare and housework after the birth?
Ako:
【Childcare: 10 points】He basically gets home late and doesn't spend much time with the kids on weekdays. When he does come home early occasionally, he'll give the kids a bath, but it's more because I ask him to than him offering on his own.
【Housework: 30 points】He helps out occasionally, just before my frustration reaches its peak.

Q. Does his workplace show understanding or support for him taking on childcare?
Ako: It doesn't seem like an understanding atmosphere, nor an environment where he can readily engage in childcare.

Q. Has your relationship changed since having the baby?
Ako: My child became my top priority, making it hard to find time just for us as a couple. With the exhaustion from work and housework, we just don't feel like it, so things are a bit awkward.

Q. What is your ideal work situation now, while raising a child?
Ako: Ideally, I'd like to work until 5 PM so I can pick up my child from daycare around 6 PM. Currently, I get home at 7 PM and then have to make dinner, so I rarely have relaxed time to spend with my child on weekdays.

Q. How much "personal time" do you have now?
Ako: I don't have much time just for myself, but I'm not really dissatisfied. I enjoy the time spent doing sports and club activities with my child, and the time I spend with my child is my precious time.

Q. What worries you most as a mom right now?
Ako:The timing for having a second child. I know it would inevitably cause inconvenience at work. There's a limit to how long I can safely have children, and some work opportunities only come at certain times, so it's a real dilemma...

Q. What do you wish were different about childcare?
Ako:I wish community connections were stronger. When work makes me late for daycare pickup, I use the local family support system where neighbors pick up and watch my kids. It operates on almost volunteer-like compensation, but the caregivers enjoy it too, creating a great relationship. I wish the government would support these community connections more.

Q. What do you want society as a whole to do to make moms happier?
Ako: The term "hands-on dad" became popular, but the reality is that most men spend far less time with their children than women do.I want companies and society to work harder to ensure men have more time to actively participate in childcare. This means making it possible to properly take paid leave and eliminating overtime at least once a week.

[Overview]
Married her husband, whom she met while working at a bank, three years after meeting. Became pregnant at age 29. Though it was a long-awaited pregnancy, her husband's reaction was lukewarm—"Oh, okay"—as if he didn't fully grasp the reality.

Unable to take childcare leave at her new company (after leaving the bank), she was pressured to resign. The shift from full-time work in Tokyo to childcare life in the deep countryside (her parents' home) left her emotionally overwhelmed, feeling disconnected from society.

She ultimately resigned from the workplace where she had been employed until before giving birth. Later, through an acquaintance's connection, she accepted an offer and joined an NPO.

After returning to work at the new place, I worked full-time from 9 AM to 6 PM. The "work-from-home" arrangement, where I could manage my time freely outside the core hours of 9 AM to 12 PM, was a huge help.

Q. First pregnancy. Were you anxious?
B: I worried my career would be interrupted, that my work performance would drop and affect my evaluation. Both our parents lived in the countryside, so we couldn't get support. Plus, my husband came home late every day. I felt quite anxious about raising a child alone in Tokyo.

Q. How did your company and colleagues respond during your pregnancy?
B: Around the same time, several team members resigned or took leave due to health issues, leaving me with an unmanageable workload. Then, one day, I unexpectedly received a resignation request: "Resign first, then come back once you secure childcare."

Q. Did the situation change after giving birth?
B: I developed a strong conviction that no matter what happened, I had to protect my daughter. I realized I needed to create a situation where I could work and achieve financial stability to prepare for any risks that might arise in life (like divorce or my husband losing his job).

Q. Did your work style change after changing jobs and returning to work?
B: Before returning, I worked about 60 to 80 hours of overtime per month and found it rewarding.
After returning to my new job, I work full-time from 9 AM to 6 PM, but outside the core hours of 9 AM to 12 PM, I can manage my time freely.

Q. What is your ideal work style now that you're raising children?
B:My current work style is ideal. I basically work from home except for meetings. I can rush home immediately if my child gets a fever . Since I have no one else to rely on, this work style is truly a blessing.

Q. How would you rate your husband's childcare and housework after your child's birth?
B-mi: [Overall 60 points]
His company has a culture wheretaking paid leaveis seen as negative. He hasn't taken any paid leave outside of summer vacation, including the day our daughter was born. He leaves early and comes home late on weekdays, so he has almost no interaction with our daughter. However, he helps with taking out the trash on weekdays and with bath time and meals on weekends.

Q. Does his workplace show understanding or support for him taking on childcare?
B-mi: Historically, many wives of bank employees were full-time homemakers, so there's absolutely no understanding of this at his workplace. Even the wives of his 40-something bank manager colleagues are mostly homemakers; the "childcare is the wife's job" culture is incredibly strong.

Q. Has your relationship changed since having the baby?
B-mi:More like best friends or comrades-in-arms than spouses. We were already sexless before birth, but it got even worse afterward. My feeling that "My body is my daughter's precious body!" grew stronger, and I didn't really want to touch my husband smelling of sweat, alcohol, and cigarettes. However, we became more in sync than before birth and our relationship improved.

Q. When it comes to childcare, what are some things you wish were different?
B:
★ I wish there were systems to make fathers take paternity leave. Like in Sweden, it should be legally mandated that men must take a certain amount of paternity leave to receive benefits. "Efforts should be made" won't make it catch on.
★ I want the culture of long working hours to be corrected.
★ Increase the number of breastfeeding spaces in public areas.
★ Improve convenience for riding the subway with strollers.
★The policy of "withdrawal from daycare after a 2-month leave" makes it impossible to return home for the birth of a second child.

Q. What do you want society as a whole to do to make moms happier?
B-mi: I feel the value of full-time homemakers is too often undervalued. I want a society where we recognize and cooperate with each other's chosen lifestyles.
and cooperate with each other.

[Overview]
Discovered pregnancy three months after engagement. Was 40 at the time. Due to the advanced age and natural conception, friends came to "pay respects to the belly," calling it a "miracle pregnancy."

Gave birth for the first time at age 41. The first month postpartum was spent overwhelmed by unfamiliar childcare duties. While feeling anxious about her inability to accomplish anything, she began contemplating the future balance between her career and childcare.

She wanted to spend as much time as possible with her child, yet also felt conflicted about wanting to work for financial reasons and personal fulfillment.

Ultimately, she struck a balance between the two and returned to work two months postpartum, reducing her workload.

Q. What anxieties did you have about pregnancy and childbirth at an advanced age?
C-ko: Before getting pregnant, I worried about the risk of Down syndrome. But once I found out I was pregnant and heard my baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound, my husband and I changed our minds and ultimately didn't get the Down syndrome screening.

Q. What work-related anxieties did you have during pregnancy?
C: I worried about not being able to push myself physically, about my workload and income, and about my child's education costs. My husband (53) will retire in six years, after which I'll become the primary breadwinner. I felt rushed because I needed to build a long-term career for that.

Q. Did your workload change after becoming pregnant?
C: At three months pregnant, I worked extremely hard (starting at 7 AM, finishing at midnight), which led to a threatened miscarriage. I agonized over whether to tell clients about my condition to spare them worry.

Q. Were there other difficulties during your pregnancy?
C: At drinking parties, people would smoke while being careful not to blow smoke my way. I felt both apologetic and anxious about whether it might affect my baby. While I was happy to be invited, I couldn't bring myself to ask them to stop smoking...

Q. Tell us about your work arrangements after returning to the workplace.
C: The temporary childcare I was aiming for only had two spots, and by the time I applied, the deadline had already passed. Since I have nowhere to leave the baby until next April, I plan to use these three options: "Have my husband take time off" > "Hire a babysitter" > "Have my mother from Osaka come over."

Q. What is your ideal work style while raising children?
C-ko: Ideally, I'd rent an office space with childcare facilities where I could work. I'd like to work from around 10 AM to 5 PM and dedicate the rest of the time to family.

Q. How would you rate your husband's childcare and housework after childbirth?
C: Started at [70 points] → Now [95 points]
When my physical strength hit its limit due to the baby's nighttime crying. My husband noticed me crying and changed, starting to help with baths, diapers, formula, etc. Maybe I was trying to handle everything myself.

Q. Does his workplace understand and support him taking on childcare responsibilities?
C: My husband is a civil servant. His workplace offers leave around childbirth, vaccination leave, health check leave, and childcare leave. However, childcare leave is almost never used. When my husband applied for three months of childcare leave, the company representative reportedly said,
and childcare leave. However, childcare leave is rarely used. When my husband applied to take three months of childcare leave, the company representative reportedly said, "Huh? You're taking it? No one in our department has ever taken it before." I was shocked that even civil servants have so little understanding!

Q. After childbirth, did your relationship change through childcare?
C-ko: More like family than husband and wife. I don't think that's bad. Our marital sex life ended after discovering the pregnancy. We want to get back to being a lovey-dovey couple like newlyweds within six months!

Q. Are there any societal systems you wish were different when it comes to childcare?
C-ko:
★ Free university education. Considering the enormous costs of education, we'd have to give up on having a second or third child for financial reasons.
★ A society that actively supports childcare with the mindset that "children are raised by everyone. " I often hear unkind remarks about children, like "kids are noisy" or "strollers are in the way."

Q. What do you want from society as a whole to make moms happier?
C-ko: I want a society where it's normal for men to do housework and childcare. If both men and women share household responsibilities, it frees up women's labor force, making Japan even more prosperous. I want workplace systems and childcare facilities that assume women will have long-term careers.

【Overview】
First pregnancy at age 32. Colleagues showed concern, but at 7 months, doctor ordered work cessation due to threatened preterm labor. Resting at home, safely delivered first daughter.

During her second pregnancy, she experienced bleeding and miscarriage immediately after a period of prolonged overtime. Though her doctor explained the cause was not work but that the fetus was not viable, she was tormented by regret.

Several years later, third pregnancy. Despite threatened preterm labor, safely gave birth to her eldest son.

Last year, during her fourth pregnancy, she experienced an ectopic pregnancy. She took a month off work for surgery and rest, using up all her paid leave. Feeling increasingly marginalized at work, she began to struggle with depression.

Q. Did you feel anxious while working during your pregnancies?
D-san: I knew stress was bad for pregnant women, but I underestimated it and confronted the stress head-on. When I miscarried, no matter how much the doctor explained, I couldn't stop blaming myself.

Q. What was particularly difficult after using up all your paid leave?
D-san: I couldn't attend parent meetings at my child's certified childcare center (*), which made me feel even more like an outsider. The center doesn't understand why the mother works and tells me to quit my job. When my child gets sick, I have no choice but to use sick child care.

(※) A facility providing integrated education and childcare, accepting children regardless of parental employment status. While expected to alleviate the waiting list problem, the integration of kindergartens and nurseries—which have different origins, cultures, and governing ministries—also harbors numerous issues.

Q. Was there anyone at work you could talk to?
D-san: I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Then one day, a colleague called me out and complained about how much trouble my taking time off was causing them. I also learned others didn't think highly of me.

Q. Have you been able to work normally at the company since then?
D-san: I feel terribly guilty about taking so much time off, whether for myself or my child. But since I'm the main breadwinner, I'm terrified of losing my job. It's not a huge company, so I have no one to talk to. I just keep working diligently, hoping I won't get fired.

Q. Honestly, how is working while raising kids?
D-san: After returning to work after both my first and second child, I went straight back to full-time. I worried that for a child under three, it must be physically and mentally taxing. My child stayed until the very end at both the nursery school and the certified childcare center we tried.

Q. Have you ever thought about quitting your job?
D-yo: Thinking about my children, part-time work might make more sense. However, being a full-time employee offers institutional advantages, and financially, I can't afford to quit. I also have a strong desire to continue doing the work I wanted to do.

Q. What's the biggest obstacle right now in working while raising children?
D-san: At the certified childcare center where my child goes, events and PTA activities are geared entirely toward stay-at-home moms. There's little understanding for working women. They say things like, "Take time off work to attend parent meetings," "Dual-income families are impossible," "Women's advancement? Absolutely not!" etc. The teachers' words are saturated with the assumption that childcare is women's work and men are the primary breadwinners. I feel quite out of place.

Q. What has been your emotional support during this difficult time?
D-san: Feeling completely trapped, I called the ward's health counseling service. A public health nurse rushed to my home and cried with me! It was a huge emotional relief. Also, my husband gets full marks for childcare and housework. He doesn't have a "helping out" mentality—he sees raising our child as his natural responsibility. Both of us are equally involved in parenting. We don't have supportive relatives nearby, so his help is crucial. But even my supportive husband stands out at daycare. When he takes time off work for events, he's surrounded by moms. Both of us get strange looks.

Q. What do you wish were different about working while raising children?
D-san: Reform in childcare and education settings. Japan won't change if gender-based role division education continues daily in nurseries and schools. Also, honestly , it's impossible for couples to raise multiple kids full-time without help. Supermoms who manage this become prominent role models, but I think that's a special talent. Isn't it actually difficult without help from parents or sitters?

 

[Part 2 (Japan Edition) Analysis]

Japan is supposed to be economically and materially well-off. Yet, while Tanzania, a developing country, ranks 53rd in women's economic participation, Japan ranks a staggering 102nd (Source: The Global Gender Gap Report 2014 ). Considering that Tanzanian women tend to have more children, it suggests that Japan faces unique constraints making it harder to balance childcare and work. These constraints may extend beyond laws and systems to include deeply ingrained historical attitudes and cultural norms. Next time, we'll publish masked interviews with a mom living in the US and a mom living in France.