Are Japanese mothers happy right now?

◆Parenting isn't a handicap. It's a career!

Tozaki: In your work, have you ever felt that childbirth or childcare was a disadvantage?

Ōsaki: In graduate school, the attitude was, "Whether you get pregnant or give birth, if you're motivated, you can do it." UNDP was exactly the same. Having small children was absolutely no handicap.

However, while I was in university, I took the selection exam for a Japanese government program sending young talent to international organizations. Among Japanese female students, there was a rumor going around : " They apparently ask the women what they plan to do about marriage."

Osaki: What do they mean by "what about marriage"? Do you mean whether you will or won't?

Ōsaki: Exactly. Questions like, " How will you manage marriage while working at an international organization? " or "If you're assigned to a developing country, won't your parents object? " Men weren't asked those things. Plus, I heard there was no precedent of someone with children ever passing the selection.

Tozaki: That's a super hostile environment. How did you handle it?

Ōsaki: I actually approached it honestly, or rather , straightforwardly . Precisely because I've experienced pregnancy, childbirth, and raising a young child, I emphasized, "I can put myself in your shoes and provide support!" If I made excuses, it would play right into their hands. So before they could adopt a negative tone, I'd just say something like, "Actually, that's exactly my situation!" (laughs).

Tozaki: That's incredibly positive (laughs).

Osaki: If someone asked, "Ms. Osaki, I hear you have a child," I'd be like, "Oh, that's right ! Having a kid means I'm super skilled at time management! " (laughs).

Tozaki: That's an amazing comeback (laughs).

Ōsaki: To prevent them from perceiving it negatively, I'd say, "Thank you for asking! I'm glad you asked before I could give a negative answer!" Unlike other applicants, I'd say, "This is actually my advantage!" And apparently, I was the first woman with children to get hired.

Tozaki: You were the first! That's amazing.

Ōsaki: There really are "firsts," you know. Someone has to be the "first." I think Japan will see many "firsts" in the workplace going forward, so it's good to approach that positively with confidence, saying, "I'm confident. This is one of my assets! " After that, even in the Japanese government's dispatch programs, working mothers started getting hired properly.

Tozaki:So someone has to break through that barrier.

Osaki: Once you have one precedent, others start following.

Tozaki: Was it difficult working at an international organization while raising children afterward?

Osaki: Balancing work, housework, and childcare was truly tough at first. What saved me then were the words of senior moms: "Asako, raising kids is hard, right? But the really demanding years only last a few years."

They told me that if I put in the effort then, it would get easier later, and that my children would become lifelong friends and treasures. That gave me an objective perspective. My female boss was also at a stage where her children were becoming more independent, so I had a role model right in front of me.

Otsuki: Were there any institutional supports?

Osaki:The UN promotes breastfeeding until age two, so to enable staff to choose that, they covered airfare and other expenses for bringing children on business trips until age two. My daughter visited five or six countries before she turned one.

Tozaki: Having that support for bringing them along is truly helpful.

Ōsaki: Ultimately, it's an option, so the decision to bring them or not rests with each individual staff member. But I think the fact that the choice exists shows consideration.

Tozaki: Was the atmosphere conducive to using such policies?

Ōsaki: It was around the early 2000s, coinciding with a period when work-life balance systems and mechanisms were being expanded within the UN. We could take breastfeeding breaks, telework was encouraged, and if you worked extra hours each day, you could take a weekday off once every two weeks, for example. Especially our female supervisors would tell us, "Go ahead and use it. "

Tozaki: Because seeing others use it makes it easier for everyone else to use it too?

Osaki: As they said, "We didn't have these when we were starting out. But we fought hard to get these systems in place, so please use them. "

Tozaki: What incredible humanity!

◆Is Japan a country that's cold toward children and mothers?

Totsuki: Ms. Osaki, you were pregnant and gave birth in New York, then worked at an international organization. Did you feel any difference after returning to Japan?

Osaki: What surprised me was how child-rearing is treated as the mother's personal responsibility in Japan. Also, the pressure from older generations saying, " We went through tough times too, so you should endure a little." You still hear that a lot in Japan.

Tozaki: I hear it often from friends who've given birth too. There seems to be this atmosphere of, "We endured it back then, so you shouldn't have it easy."

Osaki: That's one of the biggest differences I felt upon returning to Japan. Having an environment that encourages you during that period when you're raising children and also struggling with work is actually incredibly important.

Even if various systems are in place, the cold stares, the criticism, the atmosphere that says "it's your own responsibility, so you figure it out" – that's what torments Japanese mothers the most, I think. The Japanese sense that "the mother is responsible for everything, including the child's abilities or lack thereof," feels a bit unique.

Otsuki: How about other countries?

Ōsaki: When my daughter was little, I took her to China, Thailand, Cambodia, and the Philippines. Everywhere we went, people were incredibly kind to children. Even in China, just after the year 2000 when free trade was just starting or about to start, a shop clerk approached with a really scary face. I thought, "What's this?" but then she cooed, "Baby, baby" and started soothing her (laughs).

In Thailand, at hotel restaurants, waiters and waitresses would take turns holding my child. In the Philippines, people would swarm over, exclaiming "Cute! Cute!" and making a big fuss.

Then, when we finally arrived in Tokyo, everyone suddenly became cold. Even on the train, no one would talk to us, and no one offered to help with the stroller. Every time I came back to Japan, I was shocked by the stark contrast.

Tozaki: New York is a big city too, so it has a somewhat cold impression. What do you think?

Ōsaki: New York is definitely a big city, but everyone is kind to children. Once, on the evening before Thanksgiving break, I left daycare with my then-two-year-old son and a huge load of luggage. My son had fallen asleep, so I tried to hail a taxi, but there wasn't a single empty one in sight. As I stood there, clutching the stroller and feeling utterly lost, someone got out of a taxi. I made eye contact with the driver, and we had this exchange: "Please let me get in!" "Alright, hop in."

But while I was fumbling with the heavy luggage, a young man got in. Then the driver said, " Get out! I'm letting that mother in." But the guy wouldn't get out because he'd finally managed to hail a cab. Soon a crowd gathered, and people started saying , " Of course she should get in! She's got a kid and all this luggage! " Everyone was yelling, "Get out! Get out!" " Get out! " So he got off, and everyone around helped carry my luggage, and I got on safely.

Tozaki:It's like a scene from a movie!

Ōsaki: Manhattan is that kind of city. People were really kind to children.

Tozaki:So why is Japan... It has this image of being warm, polite, and considerate, but especially in Tokyo, there's absolutely no sense of kindness towards children or moms... Especially with issues like the maternity mark causing problems.

◆Is the role of mothers too big in Japan?

Tozaki: Osaki-san, you work in development and deal with gender issues. I feel the word "mama" carries a gendered connotation, like a division of roles. Could you explain what gender actually is?

Ōsaki: Biologically defined sex refers to male and female, or male and female, with the biggest difference being reproductive function. In contrast, "gender" refers to socially and culturally constructed differences and roles. In that sense, while "pregnancy and childbirth" are biologically only possible for women, the subsequent role of "raising" the child being the mother's responsibility is a gender role, I think.

Tozaki: "Giving birth" and "raising children" are very closely linked, so it might seem like a natural progression. However, Japan is a country where women's participation in society lags significantly behind other developed nations. I think one factor contributing to this is the sheer magnitude of the child-rearing responsibility and the "good wife, wise mother" type of values that exist.

Ōsaki: Derived from the idea that "women give birth," there's also the role that "mothers raise young children." However, it's not just that. The notion that so-called "care" – for example, childcare, elder care, nursing, and "all aspects of caring for others" – is the role of women, that women are better suited for it, is precisely gender.

When such stereotypes emerge, all care-related tasks fall to women, and it expands to the point where they're expected to do it "for free" and with love. Then it becomes the societal norm that "that's just how it is."

Otsuki:So it's expected as a matter of course.

Ōsaki: Exactly. Even looking at Japan's occupational division of labor until very recently, the job titles themselves—like "ho-ba" (nursery teacher) and "kaniku-fu" (nurse)—were completely female-specific. While these titles have become gender-neutral in the last 10 to 15 years, the idea that care work is women's work was incredibly strong.

◆Why Sweden Has So Many Hands-On Fathers

Tozaki: How is it overseas?

Ōsaki: When we think of countries with advanced gender equality, the Nordic nations come to mind. But it wasn't always part of their culture. Before the Industrial Revolution, work and home were essentially one and the same. On farms, both men and women were workers. However, as industry and manufacturing developed, people started commuting to factories and offices. This meant the separation of the "wage labor" sphere from the sphere of "care work" like housework and childcare.

Tozaki: So the places where people worked became different.

Osaki: Exactly. It became the most efficient way to maintain households based on gender roles: women, as the childbearing sex, provided care at home, while men earned wages outside. However, as advanced economies diversified beyond manufacturing into service industries and knowledge-based sectors, this model became less than optimal.

Sweden was also an advanced industrial nation, so initially, this separation existed. But during the economic boom of the 1960s, the government started saying , "We don't have enough workers, so women need to work too. " They wanted women to participate in the national economy and boost GDP (Gross Domestic Product).

Otsuki: So it was for national economic reasons.

Ōsaki: At that time, women responded, "Wait, what are you talking about?" Discussions arose about who would handle the care work we had been doing unpaid in our homes and communities. They thought, "Surely you don't mean we should do care work and work outside the home too? " That's when women started demanding the government create proper policies and systems to share care work across society. This became the catalyst for women entering politics.

Tozaki: I see... So that was the progression.

Ōsaki: Sweden today has this image where all men are involved in childcare, and women manage both work and home... But that image came about through this process. Over the past few decades, they changed laws and built systems, creating the framework we see now where men and women equally share responsibility for "household finances" and "family responsibilities." In contrast , Japan is right in the middle of this transition period!

Tozaki: I see... Exactly! Even just in the last few years, I feel like the percentage of female new hires has been steadily increasing. That means more working moms, too. In that sense, this might be the toughest period for moms.

Only relatively affluent families can sustain a completely stay-at-home mom household. Yet juggling childcare and work places an enormous burden on moms, and societal attitudes aren't always supportive. Where is Japan headed from here...?