Male copywriter takes paternity leave. [1]Taking childcare leave to start a business
Taking a Six-Month Leave from Work
I'm writing this manuscript at my wife's parents' house. It's a slightly muggy weekend night. From the next room, I can hear the baby's sleeping breath... or at least, I'd like to say that, but there isn't even enough breath to hear yet. When I say "baby," I mean our first child, Kokeko (pseudonym; we're calling her that in this series because she was born in the Year of the Rooster), who was born just three weeks ago. Oh, she's a girl.
In ten days, Kokeko will come to our home. And from that day on, for about six months, I will take leave from work to care for her.
"Since we're having a baby, I was thinking of taking childcare leave starting this summer..." When I broached the subject to my boss earlier this year, he immediately replied, "Oh, that's great. Go for it." Not only that, but he also suggested, "Since you're taking the time off, why not write something about it?" Hmm, that might work. And so, this series was conceived.
Since this installment comes before my parental leave, I'll use it as a prologue, focusing on the period around the birth. I'll touch on this later, but Dentsu Inc. has a "Spouse's Childbirth Leave" system, allowing the husband to take "three days, including the day of birth." I figured I'd be crazy not to take full advantage of that.
Childbirth was also a farewell
My wife was 37 when she got pregnant. She gave birth at 38. Yes, it was a late pregnancy. After weighing various concerns, we decided to go with a planned painless delivery.
Early June, at 40 weeks pregnant, she was admitted to the hospital. I accompanied her to the hospital, a 20-minute walk from our home. To prepare for delivery the next day, they inserted a balloon (!) to dilate her cervix. My wife said the foreign body sensation was so bad she couldn't sleep properly.
That night, my wife suggested, "Why don't we go home and come back tomorrow?" But I decided to stay in the hospital room too. Partly because I was worried, but also because, come to think of it, this was our last night alone as a couple. Weekends spent discovering new restaurants, binge-watching foreign dramas together, traveling to the other side of the world, or heading out late at night searching for kimchi ramen (*1) – well, I haven't actually done the last one, but anyway, it was the sentimentality of that kind of time coming to an end. Farewell, married life moratorium.
Meanwhile, my wife seemed to feel a completely different kind of loneliness. On the eve of giving birth, she said she felt "lonely that the baby would be separated from me." Even though we were about to meet!
Hearing that reminded me of the hospital-run "Parent Class" we both attended in the spring. "Childbirth is like this," the veteran midwife said. "I think of it as a 'farewell ceremony with the uterus.'" Sorry, midwife. I found that grand expression funny and jotted it down as a "joke." But little did I know I'd grasp the essence of those words the night before birth. Glad we went to that class.
That's exactly it. Something that was "part of me" for ten whole months transforms into "my other self." It is undeniably a parting, and yet also a meeting. For my wife, this duality—parting and meeting happening simultaneously. As Nogizaka46 sang, "The beginning is always the end of something" (※2).
This is a realm husbands can never truly reach. After all, for us men, it's very simple. We are "simply" happy to "meet" the new arrival.
I felt I glimpsed the essence of that cliché: "my precious child, born through the pain of childbirth."
Baymax and 2017: A Space Odyssey
Such sentimentality aside, the night passed, and the delivery was finally upon us. My wife moved to the LDR room (a room for labor, delivery, and recovery) early in the morning. They administered labor-inducing drugs and monitored her progress. For a smooth delivery, she had to endure the pain until the absolute limit, and then they'd administer anesthesia. It felt like a game of chicken. Or like the image of the front-running horse, Jintsu, being chased by the closing horse, Chintsu. So "painless" doesn't mean no pain at all, huh.
The LDR room was dimmed to a color somewhere between pale pink and blue-purple—like a slightly more pastel version of the deep sea painted by Rassen (*3). A large LCD screen continuously played Rassen-esque footage of marine life.
After eating lunch alone nearby and returning to the delivery room, there was still no major change. The umbilical cord seemed wrapped around the baby, preventing it from descending. "Well, let's relax and watch a DVD," we thought, and watched the pre-rented "Big Hero 6" together. In reality, however, my wife's belly resembled Big Hero 6 itself, and the action unfolding inside made it hard to focus on the movie.
Even after the movie ended, the baby still hadn't descended. We tried stopping the labor-inducing medication. That's when her own contractions started! The illusion of a "painless" birth was now completely fading.
As the pain intensified, my wife began to suffer. However, adding anesthesia now might prolong labor and push delivery past midnight. Rather than risk that, we decided to let nature take its course and deliver tonight.
Just after 8:30 PM, the moment finally arrived. The team of attending physician and midwife began bustling into action. At this hospital, the rule is for the husband to stand by the wife's head, so even someone like me, who absolutely hates seeing blood, didn't have to worry about it becoming traumatic.
According to a certain professor of theoretical physics, a fetus experiences something like 4 billion years inside the womb (*5). On day 32 after fertilization, it resembles a fish with gill-like organs, yet two days later it takes on an amphibian form, and just two days after that, a primitive reptilian shape. Then, throat organs develop, and by day 40, it takes on a human form. It's said to trace the evolutionary process of Earth's life forms, covering 100 million years in a single day.
While listening to the midwife say things like, "Yes, the head is already one-quarter visible," or "Mom, would you like to touch the baby's hair? Here," I support my wife's head during her pushing contractions. Then we take deep breaths together (that's about all I can do). Ah, I'm accompanying the end of a 4-billion-year journey (no, that's not right). This... this is... 2001, no, 2017: A Space Odyssey (no, that's not right either), then this child is... the Star Child (no, that's not right either)? (※6)
It might sound dramatic, but during those final ten minutes, I was overcome by a sensation unlike anything I'd ever experienced before—something almost cosmic. Is this what the Cosmo from Saint Seiya feels like? (No, it's not.)
At 9:26 PM, my daughter was born. I won't even try to describe how adorable she is here, but I thought, I have to live a long life!
That Friday night, finally a father, I waited in the hospital room for my wife to return and watched "TAMORI CLUB." I had no choice but to watch it. Why? Maybe after such a huge event, I wanted to recreate a normal, ordinary Friday to balance my emotions. My wife and my classmate, Makio-kun (※8), happened to be on it. It was just the right amount of pointless.
The Meaning of "Wife's Maternity Leave"
As mentioned earlier, "Wife's Maternity Leave" covers "three days including the day of birth." In my case, I first took regular paid leave for the first day of hospitalization (Thursday). Then, I split the "Wife's Maternity Leave" to cover the day of birth (Friday) and Monday/Tuesday. This gave me a six-day consecutive holiday including the weekend. A comfortable hospital room and delicious hospital food. Since it was a rare opportunity, I stayed overnight with her about three times.
During this hospital stay, we received comprehensive instruction on changing diapers, preparing formula, breastfeeding (for the mother), and bathing techniques (using the hospital's own DVD). Midwives and nurses also came to check on us constantly.
Thanks to my wife using her full maternity leave to stay at the hospital, I was able to receive this instruction directly myself, which was a huge help. Once discharged, we wouldn't have such frequent professional supervision, so the goal was to master the essential techniques within these few days. It was like a new parent training camp. I felt like I participated in that "boot camp." By the time we left the hospital, I had mastered diaper changes and adjusting formula temperature. Bathing, though... that'll take practice.
Looking back now, I realize this accompanying hospitalization (this extraordinary experience) was both the last trip my wife and I could take as a couple and our first family trip with our child. The irreplaceable value of "my wife's maternity leave" surely lies there.
My wife and baby went to her parents' house the same day we were discharged. For the next month, I'd visit only on weekends.
Come to think of it, the attending physician apparently said to my wife before discharge: "Well, parenting is an experiment, you know." What a great phrase. You won't know until you try. It's an experiment not just in what kind of child grows up, but also in what kind of parents we become. Is that a valid interpretation, Doctor?
Not a parenting column
I once had the chance to lead copywriting exercises for new copywriters. Coincidentally, one of the assignments I gave them was to create copy that would make men want to take paternity leave. When the newbies pressed me, "Show us an example!" I sweated bullets and came up with something like this:
"The year when you become the kindest you'll ever be is coming."
Yeah, well, I know it sounds like idealistic nonsense. I know that. I know it, but even so, I want to cherish the chance to be completely immersed in that idealism. I think we office workers are granted that opportunity.
When starting this series, the editorial team advised me to clearly define the "fixed point" of my observation. They're right. If I were just writing about men's childcare, there's already plenty of good stuff out there. And there are plenty of childcare veterans around me. Hmm... What's the point of me writing something? When I thought about it, I realized it wasn't about "writing about childcare," but rather "writing about childcare 'leave.'"
As a salaried worker, taking childcare leave means completely stepping away from work duties during that time, while simultaneously dedicating myself fully to childcare. It's suspending my advertising career to launch my childcare venture.
I wonder where and how much of that "reward" lies. What awaits me after returning to work? What will I lose? This might be an experiment of sorts. I'll try my best not to just pour out endless doting on my child. Thank you for your understanding.
By the way, the term "育児休暇" (childcare leave) is commonly used, but officially it's "育児休業" (childcare leave). This difference may seem subtle but is significant, so I'll revisit that topic another time. Starting next month, expect posts about breastfeeding, or perhaps more about breastfeeding, so rest assured.
※1
From the lyrics of "Koishikute" (I Miss You), a song released by Kenji Ozawa in 1997. It sings of memories with a lover: "Eating grapes... going out late at night searching for 'kimchi ramen'."
※2
Nogizaka46's 16th single "The Meaning of Goodbye." This song was written specifically for Nanae Hashimoto's graduation and has absolutely nothing to do with childbirth.
※3
Christian Riese Lassen is an American painter. He has created numerous works featuring marine motifs.
※4
"Big Hero 6" is a 2014 American CG animated film. It features action and battles that are hard to imagine from the white, fluffy appearance of the character Baymax.
※5
Dr. Haruo Saji, Ph.D., a leading researcher on "fluctuations" related to the creation of the universe. He wrote about this theory in his serialized column "Fragments of the Universe" in the free Tokyu Corporation publication "SALUS" (May 2017 issue).
※6
Stanley Kubrick's 1968 film "2001: A Space Odyssey." The astronaut in the film experiences the entire journey from the beginning of the universe to the birth of life in one go. The purely spiritual life form reached at the end of this journey is the "Starchild."
※7
"Saint Seiya" is a manga series by Masami Kurumada, a popular serialization in Shonen Jump during the 1980s. An imaginary energy called "Cosmo" plays a crucial role in the story.
※8
Yusuke Makio, member of the comedy duo "Kamomental." He was a classmate of the author during their university days.
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Author
Yohei Uogawari
Dentsu Inc.
Since joining the company, he has worked as a copywriter. In 2019, he published his book "Male Copywriter Takes Paternity Leave" (Daiwa Shobo), chronicling his own paternity leave experience. It was adapted into a drama on WOWOW in 2021. His awards include the TCC Newcomer Award, AdFest Silver Award (Film Category), and ACC CM Festival Craft Award (Radio Category). He is affiliated with Dentsu Inc. Papalab.
