Boobs, Poop, and Parental Leave

 

It's a ridiculously simple truth, but feeding and everything else wasn't a plot (points) but a line. It was one solid, heavy chunk of time.
The average flow, starting from feeding, went something like this:

【1】 Feed breast milk from each side once or twice. Since that's usually not enough, follow up with about 70-80cc of formula. This takes 30-45 minutes.
【2】Ideally, they'd just fall asleep then, but by the time you burp them, change their diaper, or clean their nose, their eyes are usually wide open. They only get in a good mood once or twice a day; most of the time, they start crying.
【3】So we try every possible method to "soothe" them: holding, cuddling (*3), swaddling (*4), bouncer (*5), etc. By the time we finally get them to sleep, about 100 minutes have passed since the start of the previous feeding.
【4】We finally get a break, but after about 30 minutes, Kokeko wakes up and starts fussing again. So, we soothe her once more.
【5】Before we know it, the next feeding time is almost upon us!

In short, everything was "all connected." This goes on 24 hours a day, every day.
During the day, we only get fragmented breaks of a few minutes here and there. Even eating meals requires squeezing in these gaps, and sometimes we end up eating standing up while holding Kokeko (about 4kg) because she cries if we sit down. Our hands are often occupied, opportunities to go out are still scarce, sleep is mostly just naps, and so on. The physical toll is hitting us harder than we expected.
Unlike at work, there's no support from juniors here, and no "must leave the building by 10 PM" rule. Mission: Impossible. Mom and Dad feel like IMF agents denied CIA involvement.

"Parental leave" is a misnomer.

My main duties are the daily "feeding," "diaper changes," and "bath time" (sharing baths will come later). We split the soothing duties roughly evenly. I write it off lightly, but the "daily" part is what makes this parental leave unique. Still, even combining all my tasks doesn't come close to matching my wife's workload. The struggles surrounding breastfeeding are particularly tough. I'll put it bluntly, in a man's words.

First, physically, it's an act that takes a toll on the body. If Kokeko doesn't latch well, the nipples get sore and apparently hurt a lot. But it's not just the body that hurts. If the breast milk doesn't come in enough to satisfy Kokeko's demand, my wife feels unbearably anxious or depressed. Is this the right way? Is this amount of milk per feeding really okay? We've had the chance to ask several midwives for advice, but what they say varies wildly.

Here lies the anguish unique to those who possess breasts. So, should we just stop breastfeeding and go "all formula"? My wife thought that before giving birth. But when she sees Kokeko crying from hunger in her arms, she instinctively wants to try to manage with breast milk. I see.

This brings us back to the opening point: I can't help but think that if I had breasts too, and was home 24/7, we could share the physical and mental burden of feeding, cutting it in half. The formula I provide is what we've unofficially dubbed "father's milk" at home – a homemade neologism, our own little "household slang" – but even naming it that doesn't let me experience the same pain.

There are areas where we should consider improving our division of labor. For example, my wife is a better cook than I am and efficiently prepares meals that consider a wide variety of foods for the sake of her breast milk. I tend to rely on her and leave the cooking to her, but shouldn't I be the one doing that? Or, rather than splitting childcare 50/50, would it be wiser to specialize in household chores and childcare, as is often suggested? These are things we have to figure out for ourselves – finding "our family's solution" rather than relying on general theories. Taking six months of childcare leave is a blessing because it allows us to try out different approaches.

Either way, even with both of us pitching in, we barely had any free time. Honestly, I had way more free time when I was just going to work normally. I could take an hour for lunch (how elegant!), or catch a movie after work (almost aristocratic).
Parental leave was absolutely not some "long paid vacation" (※7). These days, I understand very well why it's called "childcare leave" and not just "childcare vacation."
But I don't want to end this piece by saying it was good to finally grasp my wife's struggles and the sheer difficulty of childcare. Because the true essence of parental leave lies far beyond that.

Waiting for those golden moments

Occasionally, without warning, something arrives that feels like a "golden moment" – a moment you can only experience by being with your baby, truly, constantly, all the time.

One afternoon, the moment I played Cornelius's song "If You're Here" (*8), Kokeko stopped crying. And as if synchronized with the opening line, "Why does just watching you make me feel inexplicably sad?", she looked at me with her sparkling black eyes. It might be an illusion to think our hearts connected, but this joy is real.

There was also a morning when Kokeko suddenly let out a sound I'd never heard before, a deep "Fiiii~". I wondered, "Is she demanding a 'fee'? For what? Cuteness?"
On nights when she screamed "Ea!" and then immediately followed it with "Aqua!", I'd get excited, wondering, "So next is Fire? Or Wind?"
W-was I... perfect just now during bath time? (Managed the entire process of getting her dressed while keeping Kokeko asleep).

Listing these examples makes them seem cliché, but they're fleeting moments—not a continuous line, just rare points. Like a stray metal in Dragon Quest, they vanish the moment you encounter them. To catch them, you must spend all day with this natural phenomenon called a baby. Become a fisherman casting a line, or a surfer waiting for the wave. Paternity leave quietly made that possible.

In that sense, poop is symbolic, thinks the diaper duty parent. If Kokeko goes a whole day without pooping, we crave it like rain during a drought, yet that long-awaited moment still arrives suddenly. Accompanied by sound effects like "Bruegel!" or "Brussels!" (※11).

We call this the "Brit Cannon" in our household slang, and its catharsis is something only those who wait around the clock can truly appreciate. When the Brit Cannon fires, I sometimes think, "Changing this diaper is my achievement!" If the payoff is small after waiting dozens of hours, I find myself thinking, "Looking forward to Koke-ko's next masterpiece!" Ah, who would have thought a poop could become such a thrill.

Being home all the time means we can share all these moments together, which is wonderful. We can say things like, "Did you see that just now?" "Yeah, I saw it!" In fact, as I write this, I'm thinking that this shared experience might be the real gold. The funny things babies say and do are often hard to convey to someone who wasn't there.

 

Parental leave is still a pleasure

You might say these are trivial things. Maybe they are. But if I compare this to my work at Dentsu Inc., it's a pleasure comparable to when a great copy idea hits you! or when a presentation really resonates with the client! That's what makes the sake taste better, right?
Yes, I just wrote "pleasure." I felt this was the crucial point.

When I told my coworkers I planned to take paternity leave, several said, "Wow, that's impressive!" But I felt awkward replying, "It's not about being impressive." To put it bluntly, my decision to take leave started more from my own desire. I wanted to gain a new kind of "pleasure."

To support my wife? That aspect is certainly there. But ultimately, the very act of doing something for my wife is itself a pleasure for me. The memories from this period and its benefits—my wife's smile, nostalgia—will linger long after, and that's a benefit for me too.
I also liked the story of John Lennon taking a break from his career for a few years after his son's birth, and I had a bit of curiosity about wanting to emulate that.

Well, I think that's fine. We in advertising know there's no motivation stronger than enjoyment and curiosity. We're also good at finding it. That's why I feel like advertisers, whether fathers or mothers, seem well-suited for parental leave.

Now, I'd like to give a preview of next month, but nothing's decided yet. For now, I'm just waiting for today's Brit bomb.

※1
Cooing refers to the sounds like "ahhh" or "ooh" made by babies a few months old. It's a world composed solely of vowels, existing before language.
※2
Kōbanhyō is industry jargon in advertising, film, photography, theater, etc., meaning timetable. The leading theory traces its origin to a tool called "kōban," which measured time by the burning of incense.
※3
A "Cuddle Me" is a pod-shaped carrier made of strong, stretchy fabric. You lay the baby inside and sling it over your shoulder like a sash. Think of it as a wearable hammock.
※4
Swaddling refers to wrapping a baby in cloth. It also firmly secures the baby's arms, which tend to move due to the Moro reflex (explanation omitted).
※5
A bouncer is a device that reclines the baby at an angle and can vibrate spontaneously. Think of it as a modern version of a rocking chair.
※6
IMF (Impossible Mission Force) is the fictional intelligence organization the protagonist belongs to in the "Mission: Impossible" movie series. Since their activities would cause diplomatic problems if exposed, they are destined to be abandoned by the state and the CIA as unrelated parties when in crisis.
※7
It is entirely accurate to say "it's not paid leave" in the sense that salary from the company stops during childcare leave (replaced by childcare leave benefits from the public employment office). However, in this context, that is a separate matter.
※8
Cornelius's single "If You're There," released in April 2017 after a long hiatus. Lyrics by Shintaro Sakamoto. Included on the album "Mellow Waves."
※9
Fee refers to the payment or compensation for a service. In the advertising industry, it often refers to the payment made directly from the client to the advertising agency.
※10
Hagure Metal is a monster appearing in the "Dragon Quest" series. It has an extremely low encounter rate and flees quickly, but defeating it yields an abnormally high amount of experience points. But of course, the author has no time to play Dragon Quest.
※11
SE stands for Sound Effect. This abbreviation is often used in radio commercial scripts and commercial storyboards.
※12
How common is it to describe capturing someone's heart as "hitting home"?
※13
Sean Lennon (1975–). Musician.