What is "being oneself"? ~Thinking about gender with Teacher T

This time, Yuri Ogawa, a member of Dentsu Inc. Diversity Lab's 'Children's Project,' interviewed Ms. Ti, a childcare worker who interacts with children and parents daily.

Based on survey results about gender bias jointly conducted by the "Children's Project" and " Kodomo Living," we explored gender from the perspective of children's world.

[Children's Project]
One of the projects within the " Dentsu Inc. Diversity Lab. " Under the broad umbrella of DE&I (Diversity, Equity & Inclusion), this project explores DE&I from the perspective of children on " cococolor," a web media platform that examines social issues from all angles and introduces their realities and solutions.
Related cococolor article: https://cococolor.jp/genderbiasofchildren_220517
 

【Kodomo Living】
A company primarily publishing the free nursery school magazine "Gyutte" and the kindergarten parent information magazine "Anfan," while also organizing events, sampling activities, and seminars for teachers at kindergartens and nursery schools. They consistently share information closely aligned with the realities of parents raising young children.
 

What matters is "being themselves," not being "girly" or "boyish"

Ogawa: Thank you for joining us today. When we surveyed parents about "gender bias" towards children—specifically their perceptions of "girlishness" or "boyishness"—we found that one in two parents consciously applied gender bias when interacting with their children.

We also received many genuine voices from parents regarding gender bias. Below are some examples. As we progressed with the survey, a fundamental question arose: "What exactly is 'being like a girl' or 'being like a boy'?" What does "being like a girl/boy" really mean?

Teacher T: I believe what's important isn't "girl-like" or "boy-like," but "child-like." The very idea that "boys can play house," "boys can wear skirts," or "girls can play superhero" feels biased to me. Isn't it better to simply say, "If that child wants to play house, they should be allowed to"?

It's wonderful that discussions have progressed beyond traditional stereotypes, but I hope future conversations will be grounded in the perspective of "what's right for that child."

Ogawa: That's right. When interacting with children, are there things you consciously do to avoid gender bias, Mr. T?

Teacher T: I don't consciously do anything special. I just value what the child is interested in and what they want to do.

That said, even though I interact with children this way, it doesn't mean the adults around them necessarily share the same mindset. Sometimes children get confused, saying things like, "Teacher T doesn't say 'because you're a boy,' but my parents and other teachers do." How we support the child in those moments is crucial.

Ogawa: Do society and parents need to update their awareness?

Teacher T: Everyone has their own views on gender, so telling the adults around them, "You shouldn't say things like 'because you're a girl' or 'because you're a boy,'" feels wrong too... That would be denying their values. So, when interacting with children daily, I consciously focus on protecting their feelings by conveying, "It's okay, even if you feel that way."

Ogawa: When researching, it's easy to focus on gender bias, but respecting each person's values is also important.

Teacher T: While it's necessary to have opportunities to learn about gender bias, how one feels about it should be free, right? I think it's good for people who realize "Oh, maybe that's true" through discussions about valuing each child's individuality to share that understanding. However, telling someone with a different opinion "Your way of thinking is wrong" ignores the historical context and experiences that shaped them, so I don't think that's good.

Parents' values are evolving

Ogawa: Regarding the next survey result, the most common reason cited for being conscious of gender bias was "wanting to respect the child's opinion." What are your thoughts on this result, Mr. T?

Teacher T: I believe there are two patterns in how people approach these gender discussions. One type genuinely updates their own values to align with societal values and changing times. The other type, while their true values may differ, convinces themselves they are the same as society's, essentially acting out those values.

My personal observation is that, for now, the overwhelming majority of people fall into the latter category. It's less about genuinely updating their values and more like, "In today's world, you can't say 'girls like red, boys like blue.' So, I'll just go along with that too."

Ogawa: This survey result clearly reflects that. As reasons for being conscious of gender bias, nearly as many people cited "I feel society's values are changing" as those who said "I want to respect my child's opinions."

From your perspective in the educational setting of a nursery school, are there examples where you feel society's values regarding gender have changed?

Teacher T: I definitely sense a shift when interacting with parents. I've been a childcare worker for 14 years now, and when I started, these values didn't exist at all. Parents would sometimes say things like, "My son is a boy, so please be strict with him." It was also common for parents to tell a crying child during drop-off or pick-up, "You're a boy, so don't cry." But now, people are careful even about phrases like "You're the big brother/sister, so..."

Ogawa: So everyone is updating their values and changing how they communicate to match societal shifts.

Teacher T: Parents are actively seeking out various information about gender themselves. Conversations among parents are one source. For example, when children reach the senior kindergarten year, it's time to choose their school bag. Before, it felt awkward to say something like, "My son wants a purple school bag." Now, discussing what color to choose is completely normal.

Ogawa: I thought many parents worried that respecting their child's opinion might lead to strange looks from others or even bullying. But hearing Teacher T's perspective, I feel the update in values is progressing more than I imagined.

Children are growing up in a new set of values

Ogawa: Regarding the next survey result, conversations with their children were cited as one trigger for parents becoming aware of gender bias. Below are some of the voices we received. T-sensei, do you ever notice gender bias in your conversations with children?

Teacher T: I feel children's remarks are quite natural. What's written here is commonplace in daycare settings. For instance, the answer in the lower right corner, "Mom said it's okay to like whatever color you like," likely reflects a child repeating something a daycare or kindergarten teacher said to them at home. So, children's statements naturally convey how things are done at daycare or kindergarten.

Ogawa: Children are indeed natural...

Teacher T: When children play house at daycare, the child playing mom used to say things like, "Dad, have a good day. Mom is cleaning the house." But lately, I've seen situations where they go to work with dad.

Ogawa: Really!

Teacher T: Also, when playing with origami or super balls, if I ask, "Which color do you want?" before, some kids would see what someone else chose and say things like, "Huh? That's a girl's color." But now, no matter who picks which color, nobody says anything. Everyone just naturally chooses their favorite color.

As for clothing, at our nursery, boys sometimes come wearing skirts. I think it's because they saw me wearing one. Personally, I sometimes want to wear a skirt, and other times I want to wear pants. The children also naturally wear whatever they want to wear.

Ogawa: To respect each child's individuality, how should adults interact with them?

Teacher T: I think it boils down to seeing children as individuals. For example, when adults ask someone to do something, we think about how to make them understand our intent and accept it willingly, and we carefully choose our words. But when dealing with children, we tend to push our own convenience onto them, saying things like "Hurry up!" That feels like it slightly ignores the child's thoughts, circumstances, and pride.

It's not about thinking "they're just kids," "they don't understand yet," or "my values are like this." The child right in front of you is currently growing up in a new set of values at daycare, kindergarten, or elementary school. We need to communicate while properly considering that background.

Ogawa: So, it's about not treating children like children?

Teacher T: If we stop seeing them as children, it might lead to thinking we should just push them away or leave them to their own devices. That's not it. I think it's better to see them as people who just haven't quite mastered everything yet.

Children are entering an era where their "individuality" is respected. What about adults?

Ogawa: What became clear through our research was parents' strong desire to "not pass on gender bias to the next generation." I feel children are starting to move toward an era where their individuality is respected, but what about adults?

Teacher T: I feel dads are in a difficult phase. I completely understand that it's odd to say men should "help with childcare," but there's a disconnect between what's expected of men in childcare and housework and the actual social environment.
Society increasingly expects men to handle housework and childcare as a matter of course, yet in reality, they often can't leave work early, can't take childcare leave, and their work styles haven't caught up. Before criticizing men for not participating in childcare, it's crucial to first create a society where men can naturally engage in childcare. I believe this is a major challenge today.

Ogawa: We tend to focus on shifts in awareness about the gender gap, but societal changes haven't caught up yet. As members of the society surrounding children, what should each of us do first? What can we do?

Teacher T: I think it's important, not just with children but also with adults and family members, to consider their background, feelings, and various other aspects, think carefully, and then act or speak.

Ogawa: I truly agree. If each of us can learn to respect one another, parenting itself seems like it could become more enjoyable and easier. Finally, what do you think is most important in parenting, T-sensei?

Teacher T: I think it's vital for parents to find happiness as a life goal. They say when parents smile, children smile too, and that's absolutely true. These days, I feel like there's too much of a hierarchy within families. Children inevitably become the top priority, and mothers and fathers end up making sacrifices... While they truly want to prioritize themselves too, there's often societal pressure or a sense of guilt about putting themselves first.

Everyone is seriously considering so many things for their children, and that is truly wonderful. However, the value of a child's life and the value of a mother's or father's life are equal. I want you to cherish your own life. That will surely have a positive influence on your child too.

Graphs and Illustrations Supervised by: Nao Hirano

 

[Survey Overview]
Title: Survey on Perceptions of "Girl-Like" and "Boy-Like" Traits in Children
Survey Method: Online survey
Survey Participants: 681 parents with children in elementary school or younger, selected from email subscribers of the parenting information sites "Anfan Web" and "Gyutte Web" (nationwide)
Survey Period: February 16 to March 6, 2022
Survey Sponsor: Kodomoring Living Co., Ltd. (Shirumiru Research Institute)
Source: Kodomoring Living "Silmir Research Institute", Dentsu Inc. Diversity Lab

 

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