How Should a 30-Year-Old Man Live? (Part 2)

Following the first part, Motohiko Onuki of " THINK30 " interviews writer Gen Shiraiwa. These two men of the same generation candidly discuss the real thoughts of men in their 30s. What is the position of men in society?
And what lies ahead for men in their 30s? We explore how men in their 30s should live going forward.

Finding a New Way to Compromise with Society

Onuki: If there are things you enjoy precisely because you're a man, letting them go isn't easy, right? Things like appearances, pride, social expectations—all sorts of things get in the way...

Shiraiwa: But I think that by thoroughly re-examining yourself and letting go, you can gain new understanding—like realizing, "Oh, so that's what men were actually struggling with."

Onuki: Like women did in the past, perhaps?

Shiraiwa: Exactly. By neutralizing what society currently defines as "masculinity," we might discover new ways to coexist with society. Wanting more without letting go of what you already have feels selfish and like a man's indulgence.
That's why I think it might be worthwhile, if the opportunity arises, to write about the cunning, the inner workings, and other less-discussed aspects unique to men.

What Lies Beyond Letting Go

Onuki: Do you think this "letting go" you mention connects to a new way of life for men in their 30s?

Shiraiwa: It would have been unthinkable in the past, but now there are men who become stay-at-home dads.
I think it overturns the traditional image of men, and I don't want to dismiss those men. If there's diversity in how men live, then that path should exist too.
Just because you're a man doesn't mean you have to become a corporate warrior. Instead, I think you should fight against yourself.

Onuki: I think the stereotypical image of what a man should be—that traditional masculine way of living—is still deeply ingrained.
But we can't really make it widely known that "there are new ways for men to live" without first opening up that space.

Shiraiwa: That's why there's still so much untapped potential for men in their thirties. It will take considerable time for a new vision of masculinity to spread.

Onuki: So you mean there's potential for society to empathize with them, or for a movement centered around 30-year-old men to emerge?

Shiraiwa: Exactly. As Onuki-san mentioned earlier, "30-year-old men are being left behind in marketing terms." But if society's perspective shifts, I believe consumption will emerge there too. Where there's consumption, people pay attention.

Onuki: From my perspective in advertising and communications, it's true that society tends to overlook men in their 30s. Corporate marketing currently reflects that reality.
However, the results derived from quantitative research represent the "current state." I feel that "future hints" are hidden within the minority perspectives revealed by these research findings.
That's why I believe men in their 30s have untapped potential for growth. At THINK30, we aim to find that spark and create a ripple effect.

Men in their 30s, re-examine your own way of being

Onuki: The "THINK30" survey found that "men in their 30s lack role models." Listening to you, Shiraiwa-san, I sense we may be entering an era where we're asked not to find role models and copy their lives, but to question what we should do as individuals.

Shiraiwa: That's why I think male role models are irrelevant now—whether they exist or not doesn't matter. Discovering what you can do and where you want to go is far more important.
But men tend to only gain confidence once they're recognized by society, which is a bit of a problem.

Onuki: That desire for recognition is definitely there. If you really want that recognition, you have to work desperately toward it. Sacrificing something to keep striving for one thing requires resolve.
But I also feel like there are many men in their thirties who can't even decide if they should have that resolve.
The THINK30 survey also reveals their struggle: How on earth should we live in an era with no clear answers? If only we could get that recognition, we could move to the next step.

Shiraiwa: Exactly. I wish someone would tell me what to do too (laughs).

Onuki: When you're working, things don't always go smoothly, and sometimes you can't get results.
But as the phrase "do your best" suggests, it's precisely during those times that you need to focus intently on the task at hand and keep facing it head-on. It's pretty tough, though. Because when things keep going wrong for a while, you start thinking, "I want to be somewhere else..." or "If I just change direction, things will work out!"
But if you panic and try to fix things by jumping into all sorts of things, nothing really comes of it.

Shiraiwa: Ah, that might be true.

Onuki: That said, there are people—like your boss or colleagues—who notice your dedication. Seeing that earnest effort might lead to them reaching out, opening up new opportunities. It might sound like a guts-and-grits argument, but if you stick with one thing, you might get recognized from a completely different angle than you originally imagined.

Shiraiwa: And it's also important to re-examine how you've lived up to now, what you can do, and what you want to do. There are bound to be things where leveraging what you've accumulated works better. Maybe that involves doing something that makes people think, "Is that really appropriate for a man?" or setting aside traditional male pride or vanity.
Just as there was a time when women entering the workforce were asked, "Why are you working, being a woman?", even if something is initially seen negatively, you have to keep thinking about it until it becomes positive.
If there's an opponent a 30-year-old man should fight, it's not society—it's himself first. I think a lot of things start from there.